Learning to Cope

My recent diagnosis of anxiety and depression led to calming exercises and the start of a thought journal. For the latter, I have categories I need to break them down into. Activating event, Belief/thought, Consequence (emotional and behavioral), and Dispute with evidence/rationality.

My therapist said that at first it would be difficult and to do it at the end of the day, trying to identify the changes of mood for the day. I’ve been able to identify a couple events so far, but identifying the events is easier that working through the rest of the documenting process. I’m supposed to be able to dispute my emotional overreactions with logic and reason, and that’s the hard part right now.

Some of the things that I’m dealing with I don’t know how to bring up to my husband…again…without upsetting him due to his own bout of depression at the moment. This lack of communication I think is part of the problem, and when I can’t speak out, my mind turns to writing. So I’ll leave this post here, ending it with a poem I wrote during one of my emotional spells.

Surrender

I want to scream with frustration
But can’t

I must remain silent

I long to erupt
But am forced into dormancy

I want to cleanse
Clear
Empty
Spartan isn’t so bad

I voice my anger
But no one’s there to hear

The wind carries away my words
My voice is lost

Tears come
Rain down

Silent

Solitary

I retreat
Again

The fight is lost
I am forced to yield

Again

My consolation prize
The giving side of compromise

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2 thoughts on “Learning to Cope

  1. When I first went into therapy, my therapist told me to go into a room (bedroom) and scream into a pillow when I needed to. She advised me NOT to speak with anyone else when I needed to get things out – no one would understand – and she was right. I’m sorry to say, but some things need to be worked out when we are alone or only with our therapist. The people you love in your life have their own burdens to carry – and we have ours. Best not to burden your husband or anyone else with what you are going through. I know, that sounds wrong since he is your best friend and you look to him for support. Nonetheless, you will thank me for this later. I came to love my pillow.

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    1. Even with the urge to scream into a pillow, as I’ve thought of that before when my emotions and frustrations were running high, due to my situation I can’t. Hubby sleeps in the morning when I’m up getting ready for work and I don’t get home till after midnight so at that point I would be disturbing the other side of the duplex. Recently it’s been an hour cry session as I drive to work. Some of the things really getting to me involve him and said living situation, which is where the urge to talk to him comes from.

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